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July 18, 2009

Week 5-what to do?

So now that I know I'm pregnant I'm wondering what to do it about it.

I believe pregnancy is a very natural and normal part of a woman's life, rather than an illness or medical emergency. I'm choosing a home birth, and I feel so grateful to know about this safe and satisfying option, but this means my midwife won't be assigned until I am twelve weeks pregnant!

In the meantime what's a girl to do? I'm going crazy trying to keep it a secret and I'm choosing not to busy myself with obstetrician appointments, ultrasounds, peeing in cups, being jabbed with needles, being weighed, measured, poked or prodded. Now that I have a baby growing inside me I can see why all these women like to have obstetricians, it makes you feel like you are doing something. All I'm doing is waiting for a baby to come out.

So I read about pregnancy and childbirth and parenting. I love to read real life stories by real life women, single mothers, teenage mothers, adoptive mothers, lesbians, radicals, all women who fiercly love their babies. I dislike the medical week by week accounts assuming there is a husband involved and that all mothers sit on rocking chairs and wear aprons and alice bands. I want to hear about the emotional and spiritual changes, the pain and pleasure, the difficult decisions, the complications, the fears and anxieties, the deep desires and most of all the rewards that accompany all dark times.

The physicality of my pregnancy is just one aspect, the spiritual and emotional components feel so much more powerful to me. So I'm just gonna let things be as they are.

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